Winter...

It's a winter slump.  I stay in.  I hide under blankets.  I watch endless hours of TV.  I read books.  I don't often venture out.

I am from the desert.  It's a warm place even in winter.  On days when I can't feel my toes, I long for those warmer temperatures.

I forget about summer.  I forget it's sometimes too humid, and I miss those long days and warm nights.  I forget I sweat at night instead of freeze and I wish it would get here faster.

I hate leaving work in the dark.  I remember that it used to be sunny when I left.  I remember when we could enjoy walking outside instead of hurrying quickly to the shelter of the nearest warm place.

I lose motivation.  I drink thousands of cups of hot tea.  I find creative ways to drink hot beverages: salted caramel hot chocolate, caramel apple cider (or maybe I just find ways to imbibe more caramel).

I miss salads as I slurp my soup.  I constantly use my slow cooker.  I still don't want to do dishes.

I bring my plants indoors.  They crowd my already small kitchen.  I dream of the abundance of a spring garden.  I want squash and tomatoes and peppers all freshly picked.  I pray nothing else left outside dies as I try not to be sad uprooting another dead plant. 

Suddenly, I notice it's slightly warmer than last week and it's not as dark outside as it usually is at 5.

I remember summer starts at 4AM as the sun tries to invade my sleeping area.  I don't mind it, I think kicking off blankets. 

The orange glow of my heater will be the quiet whir of a fan.  It doesn't matter if it's not cold enough to keep me cool.  I remember the cicadas buzzing all night and the early hours of the morning.  I remember they often fly straight toward me.  Compared to the chill in my bones it doesn't seem to matter so much now.

The beach is empty.  I remember it's overcrowded in the summer.  I don't mind so much now as I remember bare bodies peppering the sand and splashing in the waves.  Everyone is smiling.  I miss vacations and eating ice cream on hot days. 

I miss shorts and sandals and tank tops.  I miss hats and sunglasses.  I feel like I never have enough layers to keep me warm.  I feel bulky and weighted.

I miss riding my bicycle.  I miss not having a destination in mind.  Now the wind slices my hands and stings my face and two minutes to the store is too long.  I miss exploring my neighborhood.  I miss finding shops I never knew were there or tiny flower shops bursting with herbs.

I miss going places and updating this blog with my misadventures.  I miss being lost in Japan.