Nighttime...

This is when I feel the worst. 

There are guys outside screaming and hollering and although they are annoying, I can't help but think "they sound like they are having fun."  And here I am underneath the covers reading a book in English and not studying Japanese while trying to choke back tears.

Yesterday, I had a particularly hard day and instead of keeping the tears at bay, I let them flow.  I don't know if it was because of the circumstances or the weight that has been on me recently.  Then later I had a Starbucks and forgot to tell them soy (not for lactose intolerant or vegan reasons but for health reasons) so I drank a whole milk frapp only to feel sick afterwards.

The weather is already disgusting.  It's become so humid and this change happened overnight.  I swear we didn't get a proper spring or fall or that matter.  Everyone claims Japan has four seasons and although the leaves changed the temperatures went from intolerable heat and humidity to blistering cold and then back again.  I'm back in ponytails but hey at least it's sunny.

Don't ask me what the point of this blog is.  I look around me and all that exist are people who want to get so earth shatteringly drunk they don't know which way is up.  I don't want to do that.  I didn't do that in America, so why would I do that here?  I'd rather spend my money searching the racks for clothes that fit or buying DVDs I promise to watch but never do or investing in Japanese books that don't help.  In the meantime, I'm sending texts out to the whole of Tokyo, hoping someone will respond.  Someone who would rather sit and chat at a cafe, someone who lives in east Tokyo instead of west Tokyo, someone who likes shopping and movies.  Friends are so hard to find here while in America they just seemed to magically appear.

It's 9:08PM.  I should go to bed and try again tomorrow.

おやすみなさい。